Reynolds

This last week was MUCH NEEDED! We went to Bear Lake for the fourth of July and I love it out there. We went boating, fishing, tubing, water skiing, jet skiing, went into town and ate the Old Epraim Pizza which is 28" and got some delicious malts! It was great fun. We all did get pretty sunburned though so I was miserable the last two days but I made the best of it! And, because of all of the wildfires we didn't get to set off any fireworks! LAME! But we still had a lot of fun.

The 4th we got there and set everything up then went to Dal's uncles cabin. The cabin HUGE and we had Cafe Rio salads and hung out.The next day it rained :(. So we went on the boat for a little bit and realized that was a bad choice so we went to Uncle Gary's cabin again and watched Sherlock Holmes. The day after that Dallas had to go to school and the rest of us went boating and all of that fun stuff. That's when we all got severely sunburned. I got the worst of it cause I haven't been out in the sun for a year haha. I wore this cotton dress the rest of the week as Dallas lathered aloe vera on me every hour. It was pitiful! The night Dallas got back we went to Bear Lake Pizza and ate the Old Ephraim! It was pretty good and huge! We ate the whole thing and got our picture on the wall! Fun stuff. The next day we spent on the boat and jet ski. Then all of us took turns fishing and each of us caught a fish so that was fun. Then we packed up and went home. I love Bear Lake. The water is so blue and the weather (except for that one day) is always perfect. I took tons of pictures so I'll post a few of them now!

So, I'll give you a little update on the pregnancy thing. I don't know if I'm going to post that much about it anymore. I feel people are probably getting tired of the "woe is me" stuff. So, we're on month 8 of trying and I started cramping yesterday :(. So most likely not pregnant. I did cry of course. I had a thought yesterday and I didn't really like it. I have prayed about whether Dallas and I will have children of our own and I received an answer that we will but, that doesn't mean "naturally". I may have to get the surgery. I may have to go to fertility specialists. I may have to get invitro. I am willing to try all of those things. What I don't like is the time and money that will go into all of that. I am grateful for the technology we have today to give women ,who can't do it themselves, the opportunity to get pregnant. I've decided that if I don't get pregnant by next month then I will no longer be going to The Health Spot. While it has definitely made me feel better it hasn't helped me accomplish the main reason why I went there which was to get pregnant. It costs a lot of money and I don't want to continue spending it on something that just might not work for me. It's definitely a bummer but what can you do? 

I'm tired of these women who got pregnant quickly and easily telling me to be patient, be happy for my friends and acquaintances that are pregnant, blah blah blah. I want to get something straight first of all. I am very VERY happy for my friends who have gotten pregnant quickly and recently. I'm so glad they don't have to endure the pain that I and many more women have to. I truly am thrilled or them. Do I feel sorry for myself? Yes. Do I get jealous of them? Yes. Do I covet what they have? Yes. Am I unhappy for them? No. Someone told me about a week or so ago that I am being selfish in how I feel and on my outlook. I quickly pointed out to them that while yes I could probably change my outlook on it and be less bitter, which is harder than they seem to grasp by the way, I don't understand how I am being selfish. I am willing to give up my body for a human being to grow inside of. I am willing to vomit my guts up for my child to live inside of me for 9 months. I am willing to sacrifice my dreams and my life to raise my children and give them a comfortable and happy life. I don't believe that is selfish. Now, if it is please let me know so that I may correct myself. 

One last thing. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. While yes I am going through a difficult trial right now and it is hard for me, I am not fragile. Don't feel the need if you are pregnant to get my approval. I can assure you that I am happy for you and will support you all the way! Don't worry about blindsiding me or feeling the need to tell me first because you are worried about me. It's not about me! It's about you and the precious life you and your spouse have just created. Don't worry about me. Worry about being healthy and happy! I am happy for you and I love you! Yes, I might cry and be angry but it's not because of you. It's not your fault. Do not feel bad. My feelings are about me and the anger towards my body. Not you. So please just know that I am thrilled for you. Truly, I am. 

Love you all! :)