When did life get so complicated?

I mean what happened to the days when your main goal for the day was to skip nap time and continue playing dress up? You're going through that awkward transition in Junior High School where you were going through puberty and you still had baby fat in your face and still in braces and people called you chipmunk?  When you were waiting on that cute guy in your class to ask you to the prom? Or you were packing up for college with your best friend and your dad helping you and you're all bawling like babies cause life is moving too fast? When you and your best friend are discussing the fact that we could be married or engaged in a year or 2 and then laughing cause there was no way that was going to happen so fast? People are staring at you and your mom because you're crying so hard on the side of the road they think someone died?  Before I knew it I was here in Utah dating stupid college boys not wanting to get serious because there was no way I was getting married before I was 25. Commitment? No thank you! Then all of a sudden, there he is. Mr. Perfect. Mr. Right. He just popped into my life unexpectedly and I fell for him fast and hard. We got engaged 4 months later and then married 8 months after that. We pulled through a difficult engagement because I was on birth control and depression medication and was not myself what so ever. But there he was, by my side and helping me pull through because he knew the real Breanna was in there somewhere. The one he fell in love with. I got off the medication and bc and I was myself again and we were sealed for Time and All Eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. I thought that was the last of our troubles! We can make it through anything after that! We're on our way to having the perfect life! 3 months into our marriage while I was on the Nuvaring I was a day late and decided I'd take a pregnancy test and it came out positive. WHAT?! Oh my gosh! I'm pregnant! We're going to have a baby! Holy crap! How are we going to handle this? We've only been married for 3 months.....Whatever! We can make it through anything! But I couldn't shake this pit in my stomach. What was it?? I called  Dallas and my mom and dad and they were so stoked! But still there was that pit! Why?? Dallas got home from work and decided we should take another test. I took 2 and one was positive and the other negative! What?? How is that even possible?!  Then an hour later I started to bleed heavily. I was devastated. I talked to my obgyn and he said that it was most likely a chemical pregnancy and to keep an eye on the bleeding and make sure I didn't hemorrhage. The miscarriage went as smoothly as a miscarriage could and I continued on the Nuvaring. 1 year and 9 months into our marriage we decide let's start a family! 1st month no luck. No big deal! Hardly anyone gets pregnant after the first try! 2nd month still nothing. That's ok, stay optimistic! Most people don't get pregnant until they've been trying for 6 months anyway. More trying and more nothing. My periods were becoming increasingly painful and I couldn't handle it anymore so I decided to go  The Health Spot. We had been trying for 4 months at that point which wasn't long so I didn't go solely for the reason to get pregnant but it'd be a bonus if I did! The Health Spot does a natural approach and helped my cousin who had struggled with pregnancy and endometriosis get pregnant.  Before I went to the Health Spot my periods had started getting later and later even though they felt better. They did some blood work and found out that my estrogen levels were very high and my progesterone aka: "The Pregnancy Hormone" levels were very low. I wasn't ovulating. They changed my regimen and finally I started to ovulate! We had been trying for 7 months at that point. My periods started to regulate but still no baby. One more blood test and I was Vitamin D deficient which oddly enough affects fertility as well. Ok, good we got it all figured out. This month, month 9 I started to spot a week before my period was due. I looked it up and saw that it could either be early period or implantation bleeding! Fingers crossed for implantation! I couldn't wait and I broke my promise and took a pregnancy test last night and it was negative. I started to get that frog in my throat but I swallowed it and told myself, "Ok, month 10 will be the charm!" So, after that long story my point is that when did life get so complicated?? Everything that's happened to me in the past seems so easy to me now! Haha, I would go through it again to avoid going through this right now! Lol. Well, Dallas and I have started to prepare ourselves financially and emotionally for surgery for me in November. I am terrified! I have never had surgery before. Has anyone else had surgery for endometriosis? Is it scary? Is it painful? Is recovery long? My 2 biggest feas of surgery is that I'm allergic to the anesthesia and it'll cause complications and I won't wake up or they'll open me up and see that my endometriosis is too severe and that I need to start looking into other options. Ugh! I'm so terrified, but I will most likely have to do it unless I get pregnant next month or October! (Fingers crossed!)  I keep trying to be positive and it's getting easier. But patience is not my thing! Haha! I could really use some advice about this surgery thing so please feel free!

Oh and btw got some sweet mint pants that I've been dying to get forever! hoorah!!




Well,

I had said I was going to make my blog private due to someone's negative comments. I have decided not to give that person the satisfaction of thinking they won, because they didn't. Some people are going to have negative opinions about what I'm going through and that's fine. I've heard it all. "I feel like you're panicking too soon." "Don't you think you're blowing this a little out of proportion?" "You've only been trying for 9 months, that's not that big of a deal" (Say's the lady who got pregnant on her first try.) Whatever, maybe I am doing all of that. In all honesty I wouldn't be panicking if I didn't know I had endometriosis which can cause infertility and if everyone and their dog wasn't getting pregnant around me lol. I've already been told I have fertility problems so, yes there is a fear there that it could be unfix-able. I have only been trying for 9 months, which compared to the women who have been trying for 5 years, isn't that long. But, I'm sorry, either way whether it's been months or years it does not make it any easier. I am doing better though. I really don't think about it as much. I don't really cry anymore. Except on Sunday during fast and testimony meeting when some women had the gal to go up and share their "fertility issues". They had been trying for a few months and were getting discouraged but then they bought a house so Heavenly Father blessed them with a pregnancy two weeks later....BLAH BLAH BLAH! I get it, it's still hard if you don't get pregnant right away but that is a very personal struggle. One that you should not be sharing at the pulpit in church. (Blogs are totally okay ;) ). Then, of course that became the theme for testimony meeting. I got really annoyed. But, seriously I'm doing better. I don't talk or think about it that much. With that said, when the time comes for aunt flow to arrive and she does instead of a positive pregnancy test then that could all change in a heartbeat! Haha. But I'm staying optimistic!

Well my brother-in-law reported to the MTC today! He's going to the Philippines Bacolod Mission and he will be speaking the language Tagolic! Whoa, don't even know what language that is! Haha, but all power to him! He will do great for sure. I'm so proud of him. I feel like it was just yesterday that I had dinner with the Reynolds family for the first time and Dylan was sitting right next to me. I, of course, was trying to fit in with the boys and made a "that's what she said" joke quietly to Dylan and what does he do when I leave? RATS ON ME! Little punk! I never forgave him for that! Lol. That was 3 years ago! Wow, time flies. I have grown very close with Dylan. Especially when Dallas was in Oregon doing summer sales and a lot of my friends stopped hanging out with me because being friends with an engaged girl is not very fun I guess. ;). I hung out with Dylan and my other brother-in-law Jesse quite frequently. I would take them to school, football practice, we'd go to movies together, we'd hang out at the house. We did a lot of stuff together. Dylan is like a brother to me and with that we have a tendency to fight like brother and sister. Not like Devin and I thank heavens because we would get into fist fights haha. I'm gonna miss him while he's gone but I'm not worried about him at all because Dylan is a hard worker and will do very well I feel. GOD SPEED ELDER!


I went to a sealing for Dallas's cousin about a week ago and it was really neat. The sealer shook my hand and welcomed me and I went and took my seat and my mother in law sits next to me and was like, "Bre, that was Elder Oakes!" Wow! I felt like a moron! I can't believe I did not even recognize him! (For those of you who don't know Elder Oakes is an apostle for the LDS church.) It was really cool though. I just felt horrible that I did not even realize who it was. Someone had to tell me! So embarrassing! Haha.

We also went to Bear Lake again for Raspberry Days and that was a lot of fun. We went to a fair and a breakfast and the rest of the time we spent on the boat or in the water! It was fun!

Oh, and I found a 4 leaf clover!! It was awesome! I was really excited about it! Haha, so hopefully it will bring us some added luck! :)


Well, hopefully next time I update this Dallas and I will have some good news for you! Not getting my hopes up but just being faithful! But, until then prayers are still welcomed! :). Love you all!