Seriously! Computers piss me off! I have been trying to post for days now but our web browser wouldn't let me pull up my blog. ?!?!? Because it's stupid! I was so irritated! We had to uninstall and re install the browser for it to let me access certain things. I could have just posted on the iPad, but you know me. I ramble and it would take me hours to post on that thing. I would just be sitting there poking at the screen trying to make a sentence. Nope, not happenin. I am too lazy for that crap. So I just waited until we could fix the problem on our precious laptop. But seriously, we need to replace this thing. The webcam doesn't work anymore cause something came loose so I can't skype with my fam. Some of the USB ports don't work and it's getting a little slow. We've had to get this fixed so many times, it's just, it's time! I'm becoming exasperated! I wish I were rich or had a fairy godmother so that I could wish for a Macbook Pro or Air. But nope, I am poor and I can't afford that stuff. Boo.
Well now I am done with my computer rant :). So, who watched General Conference? I DID! Let me just tell you, President Eyring's talk was EXACTLY what I needed. Wow, I cried like a little baby. Seriously. Like the snot and tears running down my face and staining my shirt kind of crying. It was cute. Ok, on a more serious note his talk really was beautiful. I really did need it and the tears were really flowin. It changed my outlook a lot. Well, kind of because I am human and I did get extremely angry last night cause I'm cramping so I'm not prego and I also can't handle peoples UNBELIEVABLE insensitivity anymore! Seriously, if I hear one more person say that they don't really feel ready to be a mom and their pregnant or ask me if we're still even trying?!?! Are you kidding me?! Who asks that? Yes, moron, we are still trying! Sorry we didn't get as lucky as you two fertile folks and get pregnant right away. But with some people it takes a little longer. Which by the way if you're not keeping count like I am it's been a year! Whoa dang! I remember a year ago when my obgyn was like, "When you've been trying for a year come back in and we'll start looking into some options." and I just laughed and though oh no of course not. That won't be us. We'll definitely be pregnant before than. BOY WAS I WRONG! lol. But it's ok. The Lord has a different time table than I do. I need to trust him. But, I'm far from perfect and will probably continue to have my moments of anger and bitterness.
Let me just tell you though. My husband has been my absolute rock through all of this! He has been amazing! He holds me every time I cry and he doesn't say a word. He knows what he says won't make my PCOS go away or this trial go away and I'm grateful that he knows that I just need a shoulder to cry on. He takes me to do things all the time to keep me busy and keep my mind off of it. He took me to a pumpkin patch on Saturday because he listens to my constant complaints about us needing to do more fun holiday stuff lol. He was a good sport when we walked through Gardener Village because I just wanted to do something girly. He really did not want to see Pitch Perfect but I begged him and he took me because he knew it would make me happy (and he loved it) :). He will kiss me just because he loves me and he'll tell me I'm pretty without asking for something after like a new phone lol. This is one of the most difficult trials I have ever had to go through and I really don't think I could still keep my sanity if he weren't around. I'm sure it gets on his everlasting nerves to hear me complain every month that I'm not pregnant and say "Life's so not fair" or complain anytime I see a young girl with a big pregnant belly walk by. He just sits there and lets me rant and then says, "I know sweetie. But our time will come." He is just wonderful and I thank the Lord every single day for him. He has made me stronger and just an all around better person. Seriously, I am my absolute best with him. I love him more than life.
So, one last thing. I have made a decision and it's kind of a hard one but I know it's the right one. The Health Spot has truly helped me in more ways than I thought was possible. But, I will be doing this regimen I'm on for one more month and then I will be switching to Clomid if I'm not pregnant by then. The Health Spot does not take insurance to cover the supplements and this has taken much longer than was anticipated and has cost us a lot of money and we need to be saving up our money now in case we have to start looking into surgery, IUI, or IVF. Hopefully the Clomid will work before we have to start delving into that stuff. But we have to be financially prepared in case we have to. So prayers for us that this new approach will work for us. I will continue to take certain supplements to keep my anxiety and stress under control. But for my hormonal issues it's time to move on for now. Hopefully some day when we have more money I can go back. :)
